| "Therefore I'm mad." |
[Nov. 3rd, 2009|10:35 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | fiction. | ] |
| [ | mood. |
| | busy. | ] |
| [ | music. |
| | Tegan & Sara / You wouldn't like me. | ] |
I could be your Cheshire cat.
Happy when you ignore me and furious for every smile.
Grinning from ear to ear like a madman no matter what but never, ever talking.
Hopefully, cause every word that escapes my mouth is a word I long for, desperately wanting to get it back.
Always scared that even just a sigh could let you find what I've been hiding behind my smile.
But even if things should collapse I can still simply disappear. Smiling, of course. |
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| Celebrity meme |
[Oct. 3rd, 2009|11:35 pm] |
| [ | mood. |
| |  exhausted | ] |
| [ | music. |
| | The Ting Tings / Shut Up And Let Me Go. | ] |
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| "The summer is over..." |
[Sep. 16th, 2009|08:39 pm] |
| [ | mood. |
| | tired & unsure. | ] |
| [ | music. |
| | FRESH DUMBLEDORE. | ] |
And school's started again. My timetable is better than last year but still worse than I expected it to be. Ah well.
My dad left on monday morning for his last cure before he's getting retired in a few years [a little too scared to think about when exactly this will be cause that's for sure my deadline for moving out.] so our household will consist of ladies only for the next 4-6 weeks.
After handing in the keys today we officially got rid of my granny's old flat. Finally.
Even though it feels a little weird I'm extremely happy about it cause the whole thing had really been making me sick. At least I know now how to take down wooden ceilings. [extremely useless knowledge, I know]
Oh and btw, her new flat is simply adorable. Really is.
Really starting to get bouncy because of Vienna next week. It's gonna be legen - wait for it - dary. [Anyone wanting a post card? :)]
Arts last year really made me sick cause it consisted of mainly theoretical stuff and our so called project wasn't exactly close to exciting.
Today we were told what our next project would be like. Well, actually we weren't cause we're absolutely free to pick the topic aswell as whether we're drawing, painting, making a sculpture, writing a play, photographs, movies, etc. etc.
Sounds awesome and honestly I'm already dying to find out what everyone's going to do.
The only problem is MY project.
It's not like I didn't have a clue what to do cause I really have. I just don't know whether it's a good idea at all.
Let's just try to explain it.
I've been wanting to do this for quite a while now so I thought this might be my opportunity to work with this.
My idea is that I'd take photos [actually I'd love to work with a polaroid camera but neither do I own one nor am I good enough at taking photos to spend this much money on such stuff] and then draw pictures of one certain moment. Starting more or less realistic and making it more and more look like a comic.[maybe even trying some pop art-ish.] Another idea I have is printing the text on some paper and then drawing the picture over it. Yes, I stole that idea from White Oleander and I'd probably have to use water colours so it'd still be see through. Boy, I suck at watercolors.
Then I'd try to draw a complete comic, telling the story of the text even with speechbubbles, but empty ones. Trying screentone would be awesome [and expensive...]
Of course it would have to contain the text itself aswell, totally unsure whether I would use handwriting [or that script stuff?] or a printed version or whether I would repeat certain words / sentences to make them stand out.
I'd make some kind of collage out of it, glueing it all on black or white cardboard.
The thing that'd make it even more complicated for me is that I would keep it strictly black and white [and shades of grey, of course].
To make it more interesting I'm even thinking about getting / making some really cheap and small table [black, of course], put it onto something solid and put up the cardboard stuff around it. [like walls?!] Putting some abandoned comic issues [where the heck would I get them from??] underneath [you know, those he "collected"], a bunch of pens on the table and sketches.
Talking about the photographs I would love to do it like this. I had originally imagined the setting to be something like New York, maybe London, you know just anything but Germany, it just wouldn't be too authentic.
Get my problem? Another thing that really bothers me is using something I wrote myself.[I'm not even too sure my words are good enough for such a huge thing.] But then again my teacher said we were supposed to get our own personality involved and all.
What do you think? Seriously, I need help.
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| Sometimes it's hard to believe... |
[Aug. 17th, 2009|12:28 am] |
| [ | music. |
| | InnerPartySystem / Die tonight, live forever. | ] |
that what happens, happens by accident.
I've just been lying on my bed, reading White Oleander [simply amazing btw] and just as I started reading the first word of the last of those 390 pages my bedside lamp turns off slowly, leaving me in the dark.
Turns out that it's broken, I'm using an old one I found in the cellar [my dad tried to talk me into taking some led one but well... it's ugly.] and it's all not much of a big deal, just a weird coincidence.
Still, if you ask me there's no such things as fate. Things happen, mostly for a reason, but what counts is your next step cause in one second you might be able to change it all.
There certainly are some things no one really is responsible for and I'm not saying you can always control things cause you can't. The one thing you can do is affect happenings.
Or one the other hands you could just watch things, waiting for fate to guide it all and let all opportunities just walk by, waving at you. |
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| "Hey, hey..." |
[Aug. 2nd, 2009|11:23 pm] |
| [ | mood. |
| | calm. | ] |
| [ | music. |
| | at the farewell party - the mechanism of bad taste. | ] |
Haven't updated for ages and since I'm doing nothing tonight except for reading I thought this would be the right time.
Summer break started on wednesday, my last field trip ever was amazing and I so can't wait for vienna.
My granny is busy moving since the new flat is smaller and and 1nd floor instead of 2nd. Let's be honest, she's currently a pain in the ass, constantly making mountains out of molehills. But ah well, she's almost 84 years old and the coolest granny ever.
So apart from helping her I'm currently working at karstadt till summer break is over, mainly cleaning up the cabins and sorting clothes. Not quite amazing but the payment isn't bad.
Went to stuttgart on thursday with laura to see coheed and cambria aswell as funeral for a friend who supported linkin park at the canstatter wasn but we didn't have tickets and the fenced in area was a bazillion squarekilometres big so standing outside wooudln't have been worth it. Went to the staatsgallerie instead which was amazing.
I'm considering going to london again in autumn but I'm not quite sure. Money and stuff, you know.
Gotta scan and upload an awful lot of drawings and sketches, mainly kurt fred and mikey's adventures.
My cds [at the farewell party and innerpartysystem] finally arrived, haven't listened to the latter so far but I'm deadly sure it's awesome.
Been sleeping in the living room lately cause my sis got a new matress and using the old one is pretty much the only possibility to sleep next to the princess. Believe or not but her head is full of cotton candy and she's the greatest thing ever.
See, I can't think of anything more to write, so what's going on in your life? |
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| "Find the way out of your own maze." |
[Jun. 22nd, 2009|12:11 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | fiction. | ] |
| [ | mood. |
| | blah. | ] |
| [ | music. |
| | Bright Eyes / A song to pass the time. | ] |
Hit the wrong button time and time again, the keys are locked.
Break the habits or you’ll never get more options.
You can change the route of this one way track, you only just gotta find out how.
Unable to succeed? Well, you should’ve thought about it before making everyone leave.
You didn’t need any help, that’s what you said.
And now you gotta cope with it on your own.
Stop walking in circles, take a look, pay attention.
You might be able to find your way out.
I’m the one waiting for you in front of the door. |
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| "I want you to come in closer." |
[Jun. 14th, 2009|10:01 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | fiction. | ] |
| [ | mood. |
| | whatever. | ] |
| [ | music. |
| | Pixies / Where is my mind. | ] |
A breeze.
Just a very slight one but she feels it anyway cause the air’s been stuffy for ages now.
So what is she supposed to do now?
It’s been closed since she doesn’t even know when.
And this surely isn’t like learning how to ride a bike, you forget how to deal with things like this.
Too scared to really react but too curious to ignore it she simply turns around to see what has happened.
And there he is, standing in the door, giving her a shocked look.
This must be her dream or even her coma but it just can’t be reality.
It’s like a lost child in the supermarket, standing in front of the toys, hoping for somebody to find her and buy her anything she’s ever wanted.
Not only that there’s someone, it’s him, the only one she’s ever wanted to really rescue her.
It’s just not possible, dreams don’t come true over here.
And that’s exactly what happens.
After looking at her for almost a minute he slowly turns around, ready to leave.
Like opening a package in a supermarket and putting it back into the shelf again, he has to buy it.
He just can’t open a door, turn around and exit again, leaving it open.
She’s his secret package of noodles now and she already feels sorry for it but she can’t help but feel happy.
It’s all she’s ever wanted and she didn’t force him to do it.
It’s really not her fault this time.
Maybe he even cares but that doesn’t matter.
No matter what, the truth remains lethal. |
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| "It's just that at night I've got nowhere to hide." |
[Jun. 3rd, 2009|11:35 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | fiction. | ] |
| [ | music. |
| | Vroom / Dumb like that. | ] |
And every Soco Amaretto Lime, every drink consumed to polish your social skills, they all make you believe that somehow, even though you're not the same you still fit in.
That people could actually like you and not just what you do for them.
And what you've been dreaming of for decades now is something that could finally come true, even though you had almost stopped believing that it could ever happen.
The castle of your dreams starting to build itself whilst all you have to do is be yourself. Something that had never worked out before.
Oh paradise, this could be the beginning of your very own luck, that one thing you had always prayed for.
But the weather changes, the sun goes down, just like on every end of each day and as soon as it's too dark for you to see the castle the tears you've cried cause you wanted it so desperately to appear start to rain down on it.
And by the time you wkae up you'll finally realise that the castle was made of candy cotton, hardly anything more than an illusion, the furthest away from being anything permanent.
Never ever dare to forget that dreams only exist in your sleep, in the nighttime.
Otherwise the wind that blows them away will break you down. |
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| "I've had enough of the world and it's people's mindless games." |
[May. 28th, 2009|02:28 am] |
I'm really not into this teenage "I hate everyone" drama crap but seriously, words can't describe how sick I am of every single human being right now.
My sister, my so-called friends, strangers, anyone.
I could just puke into my hands and throw it at everyone till they just shut up.
Why is everyone so full of crap lately? Really, just tell me anyone who likes me, the real me and not just what I do for them.
Wish I could move out with the princess to just any stupid city where no one knows me so I hadn't to talk to anyone ever again. |
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| "Please die, ana..." |
[May. 12th, 2009|10:24 pm] |
| [ | mood. |
| | amused. | ] |
| [ | music. |
| | Taking Back Sunday / Sink into me. | ] |
And I'm out.
Guess you've heard about the 'drama' concering that brat I tried to teach English.
Cancelling the lesson like 15 minutes before it was supposed to start, not telling me about her school trip at all and stuff like that, time and time again which wasted awful lots of my time.
Her reasons for cancelling got more and more stupid from week to week and so I was already extremely pissed because of the whole thing and just waiting for her message today that would contain another lame excuse.
Twenty fucking minutes before I was supposed to arrive at her flat I finally got it. [headache, terrible pain, blah blah, please don't come.]
No need to say that this was the last straw and so I replied something that sounded pretty much like
"You know what? I won't come ever again cause I don't need you to walk all over me. Go and find something who's dumb enough for that."
What I got back is not only a message from her mum telling me that this wasn't about walking all over me and how she hadn't planned to have a headache. [Fair enough. I still don't believe that she was busy every goddamn tuesday before.] but also one from her going exactly like this:
"Weist du was es ist schön das du nicht mehr kommst. Du hast mir eh nichts gepracht ich hatte wieder eine schlechte note."
Now that hit me for six. Not.
1. It's not my fault that she's plain out stupid.
2. She can't expect these lessons to be all she needs to do to get good marks. She obviously did though, cause she was never, ever prepared.
3. I wasn't the one writing her exam, it was her.
4. How the heck am I supposed to help her if he hardly ever met?
5. She's the one getting bad marks so it's not my problem at all.
6. My second [ex]pupil got a B at his English exam. [after like 3 'lessons']
Boho.
Oh and just to entertain you, ( Her previous headache messages. )
"I keep my grammar well rehearsed..." |
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| "Ain't been sober since maybe October of last year." / "War is over." |
[Mar. 23rd, 2009|11:06 pm] |
| [ | mood. |
| | dead. | ] |
| [ | music. |
| | Savage Garden / I don't know you anymore. | ] |
Actually it's winter that ended but anyway.
Hope you all had a nice first day of spring cause I definitely had it.
Another thing I have is a slight cold.
Oh, and Hanne, Laura and I made a bet about not drinking or eating chocolate. Actually it was for a month but drinking will end earlier, at Franzi's Birthday.
Didn't need a bet for not drinking though since I seriously believe right now it's better for me to stay sober.
Anyway, the rest of the post is mainly for Laura, cause Megaupload currently sucks.
( 'Flash, flash, flash photography.' ) |
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| "Coffee's for closers." |
[Mar. 11th, 2009|09:12 am] |
| [ | mood. |
| |  okay | ] |
Tonight when I'm coming home I'll welcome TristanII aka our new coffee machine.
Expect an edit featuring a photo of it soon and be prepared to feel jealousy. ;)
One wish and I'd spend the rest of my life just lying next to you staring into the sky.
"Perfection through silence" and stuff like that.
But things like that only just happen in my dreams and above all "A moment was the most you could ever expect from perfection."
"And even though you're next to me I still feel so alone." |
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| I'm bringing illegal and shameless back. |
[Feb. 4th, 2009|01:02 pm] |
| [ | mood. |
| | tired. | ] |
| [ | music. |
| | Skillet / Comatose. | ] |
By using other people's wlan with my mobile.
As if it was my fault they're too stupid to create a password.
Btw, I really miss the old good charlotte board. :(
[so if someone could bring it back aswell...]
Guess who's finally seeing Taking Back Sunday in London at Give it a name.
Went home yesterday after giving my first private lesson and suddenly had the worst headache ever.
Since it hadn't faded away when I came home I decided to go to bed at like 6pm and slept till 6am today.
So thank god I'm still tired as fuck.
First two lessons of geography now and I already hate it.
Currently extremely sick of sleeping since I either wake up like a bazillion times or have dreams I don't even wanna think of.
A whole lot of people / things I don't understand lately but life ain't a ponyfarm anyway.
Take care. |
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| "Skylines and turnstiles." |
[Jan. 26th, 2009|08:12 pm] |
| [ | mood. |
| | impressed. | ] |
| [ | music. |
| | my chem - skylines and turnstiles. | ] |
I've just finished reading "extremely loud and incredibly close" by jonathan safran foer.
If you really want to read a good book, go and get it. Now.
These 326 pages broke my heart.
For real, I'm not sure whether I've ever read anything amazing like this and I'm more than just close to start at page 1 to read it again and again. |
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| Is there anything... |
[Jan. 20th, 2009|07:22 pm] |
stupid like that whore from out local supermarket [where I applied in SUMMER, for gods sake] calling me at 7.30PM to tell me that I'm having a job interview if I'm still interested. TOMORROW.
Who the hell does she think she is, damnit?
YES, I need a job, desperatly. But guess what, I still have a life, or in other words I'm busy tomorrow.
No one in the whole world is able to tell me that she got told about having to organize these intereviews today so I can see no good reason why on earth she called me that late.
If looks could really kill I'd cancel everything tomorrow just to go and stare at that bold bitch. |
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| "Smile like you mean it." |
[Jan. 9th, 2009|01:48 pm] |
| [ | mood. |
| |  relieved | ] |
It was just the working memory.
Means I'm gonna get my notebook back tomorrow with all my stuff on it.
You have NO idea how relieved I am now.
Almost done with reading for English, probably getting my new mobile aswell as the memory card [8GB] and I'm finally getting my tattoo on tuesday. It's all fine. :)
Btw, Elli finished school in Australia with 1,7. SO jealous.
My dog turned out to be a calculating and back-stabbing bitch. God, how I love her. <3 |
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| "I guess it's okay I puked the day away." |
[Jan. 5th, 2009|10:50 am] |
My harddrive might be broken.
Which would mean that I had to pay 150 euros to get my old one aswell and then pray that I can get all my old copied.
And if that's not possible everything on the drive is lost forever.
Everything I've written, my music, all the photos.
Believe me, I'm not just close to freaking out. |
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| 2008. |
[Dec. 30th, 2008|12:49 pm] |
| [ | mood. |
| | blah | ] |
| [ | music. |
| | Our lady peace / One man army. | ] |
( Survey. ) |
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| "Forget december, it won't be better..." |
[Dec. 29th, 2008|10:41 pm] |
Christmas was... well, if you ignore a few 'little' details it was absolutely okay.
Got the cutest calendar ever with photos of the dog from my sister.
And I got a gift coupon for a trekking tour with llamas. [the perfect possibility to find a mare for me to marry. One who won't complain about my tail called trail. ;) ]
So let's go on quickly to the less pleasant things:
My notebook is broken. I've always known that I'm really talented at fucking up electronic devices but I swear to god I didn't do a thing.
Actually I could imagine greater things than being without my notebook for [I suppose]at least 6 weeks.
Well, at least I won't have to pay for anything. [at least I think so.]
Means I won't be online too much, means you'd better write me a text message if there's anything important.
Pray for my stuff on the notebook to outlive the whole thing.
Take care and have a happy new year.
Btw, I'll be in Munich from 31st till 3rd. Anyone wanting a postcard?
Impassioned greetings. :)
Xoxo. |
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